Castle's Lament
by Nature9000
Summary: An event in Rick Castle's past had been put behind him for many years, but a recent investigation brings new life to memories that haunt him and with them come deep regret and anger. In an attempt to let these feelings subside, and at the urging of Martha and Alexis, he steps away from the investigation, but can he forget or will this event in his life truly remain but a memory?


Castle's Lament

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: New to the fandom, love the show, this oneshot's a precursor to a coming story that will be called "Castle in LA". This oneshot, and the story, will be tied to a current fandom that I write in, but I hope you'll give both a chance. The oneshot that this is connected to (you'll want to read both before the story begins) is "More than a Fan", both oneshots take place in early 2010, and will be posted together so this oneshot should appear with the other.

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><p>-CONNECTED TO <em>MORE THAN A FAN<em>-

The knots inside his stomach worsened as he observed Detective Kate Beckett questioning the suspect across from the table. This case was a heavy one for him, so he kept silent and let her do the talking. Most times he would give his input, wanting to do everything he could to help, but not this time.

The suspect didn't appear to recognize him, but Rick knew the woman the minute he laid eyes on her. Regina Harper, a former social worker that had been fired for corruption in the mid 1990's. Every bit of eye contact he made with the woman spurned the flames inside of him, to the point he was afraid only hatred would come from his lips if he spoke.

Her influence in his life may have only been temporary, but the lasting effects had never gone away. Though he never could be sure who he felt more anger towards; this woman, or Meredith. "So here's what I think," Kate said after inspecting the glare that Rick was giving to Regina. "I think you were angry with your friend. You wanted that job, but if Taylor exposed your prior corruption, you weren't going to be hired-so in your heated argument, you grabbed the closest thing you could find, and you struck her."

"I didn't kill my best friend." Regina's eyes slanted and darted from Kate to Rick, then back. "Yes we fought, but we agreed that my past was unimportant. When I left her house, she was alive." Rick held back a scoff and brought his hands up beneath his chin. "My past isn't what's being questioned, is it?"

It was a likely story, but he didn't believe a word this woman said. "It should be," he muttered. Kate turned her head to him, only to shake her head and glance back to the woman.

"Mrs. Harper, we have your prints on the hammer found beside her body. How do you explain that?" Regina folded her arms and shrugged.

"She wanted some help building a dresser."

Rick removed his hands from the table and leaned back in his chair. "When are you going to stop lying and start telling people the truth?" Regina curled her fingers into her palm and her eyes slid over to him.

"If you have something to say to me, say it. I will answer to the best of my knowledge and as truthfully as I can."

"Another lie." He leaned forward and glared into the woman's eyes. The right corner of his lips turned up into a smirk and his eyebrows meshed together. "She found out that you fabricated stories on nearly all of your cases in the past, that you had numerous children removed from well-meaning homes-and now you want to wanted to become a guidance counselor for small children? She threatened to expose you because she knew you couldn't be trusted, she had a letter written out to the supervisor considering you for hire, and you couldn't stand the thought of someone digging up your past, so you confronted her. When she insisted on sending that letter, you killed her."

Regina studied him for several seconds, and Kate's curious eyes fell upon him. The silence in the room seemed to grow in intensity, forcing a feeling of discomfort to overtake him. "I know you from somewhere," Regina whispered, "But how do I know you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. You know my ex. Meredith."

Regina's eyes widened and her lips fell apart. She took a sharp breath and snapped her eyes over to Kate. "I'd like a lawyer now, please." Kate brought a hand up over her eyebrows and a rough exhale flew from her lips.

Rick pushed himself from the table and started for the door, unable to contain his anger any longer. Kate stormed out behind him and raised her voice. "Would you mind explaining what that was all about, Castle?" He turned slightly to see her tapping a chair with one her right hand and placing her left onto her hip. "We had her, and now she's lawyering up, thanks to you."

"You've got enough evidence to make an arrest, Beckett." Her eyes squinted and her lips flattened. He avoided the anger in her gaze and turned away so as to keep from letting her see his own rage. "I'd rather not explain, either."

"Castle."

"I need to go." She threw her hand up as he walked off. This was not the time for him to share a bit of his past with her, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to talk about it. Not with her.

When he reached home, he collapsed onto the couch and raised his hand towards his throbbing temple. The bile in his stomach was twisting like a terrible storm, and his breathing had grown difficult.

The case was bringing back too many flashbacks for him, but he didn't want to stay away from it. "Just want to be done with it," Rick muttered with a groan. He heard footsteps nearby and looked up to see Alexis walking towards him.

"Done with what, Dad?"

"This case." Alexis sat down beside him and hugged him. It was normally a comforting gesture, but it did little for him. "I'm too close to it, but I can't pull away." Martha was in the kitchen nearby, she was getting ready to head out for dinner and was dressed in a patterned dress and had a red fur scarf around her neck.

"He's still torturing himself," Martha replied. Alexis's mouth pulled back into her left cheek and her tongue clicked off the roof of her mouth. "That social worker's the primary suspect, right? Regina Harper?" Alexis frowned at the woman, then looked up to Rick.

"Are you okay?" Rick smiled at his daughter's concerned gaze and closed his eyes.

"I'll be alright. Seeing the woman again just brings back all those memories. I know what your mother did was out of anger over the divorce, but what she did was unforgivable."

"I only know a little of it. You never talk about what happened."

Martha walked around the counter and started for the couch, stopping midway. "When your mother got custody of your older sister, you were just a baby." While Alexis looked at her grandmother, Rick turned his eyes to the ground. The nausea in his stomach flared up and his teeth ground together. "Your mom was more concerned about her career and she left your sister alone when she went out to harass an agent. The neighbors heard your sister crying and called the CPS, of course Regina was the social worker that showed up."

"I know that part, Grams, but I don't know how Dad ended up not being able to get custody."

"Oh, ask your father."

Rick flared his nostrils and felt a fire on his breath. Alexis pursed her lips as he moved his head back. "Meredith was still angry about the divorce and the fact that I fought for custody of your sister as well as you, so she had the social worker convinced that I was a terrible father. Regina, of course, put that down in the report and also fabricated everything in the interview she had with me."

While she did interview him and spoke to him about his eligibility to be a parent, she lied in the report about everything he said. This caused Regina to be able to remove his oldest daughter from Meredith and place the child for adoption.

"Your sister was adopted to a family faster than you can even ask what happened. Meredith didn't expect that she'd lose out on custody."

Alexis pulled away from him and squinted her eyes. "So I lost a sister because mom was contacted by a corrupt social worker?"

"Yes." Though he was going to fight the family that adopted her, he was going to get his daughter back, but that family told him not only could they not have children but they were trying for years to adopt. They made it out that the child they adopted was a blessing to their lives, and he felt so much grief and sympathy for them that they convinced him not to fight.

"The family that adopted her said they'd keep in touch, but they moved within the year." His hand fell from his head and his heart sank. "I haven't heard from them since, and I have no idea where your sister is." Alexis folded her hands in her lap and stretched her arms.

"She's just a little over a year older than I am, right?"

"It was pretty close, yes." Meredith became pregnant with Alexis shortly after giving birth to their first child. Rick chuckled at the memory of the woman's anger at the time. "Your mom wasn't happy about that. She was happy to have another child, but not happy about how close it was. Both of us are glad, though."

"Oh good, I'd have to hurt you if you weren't." She smacked his shoulder, then hugged him. "I love you dad." He smiled back at her and kissed her forehead. "I think you should stay home, Kate would understand wouldn't she?"

"She doesn't know, and I don't plan on telling her. Not right now, anyway."

"Why not?"

"It's one of those personal things you don't share at work, sweetheart." He didn't expect to see or hear from this daughter of his, so there wasn't much point in bringing up his past. At least, it was a painful subject to discuss. "If it makes you two feel better, I'll tell Beckett that I'm off this case."

Martha threw her scarf around her neck and hummed loudly. "If it's so close to home, you should. Detective Beckett's a tough girl, she can handle a case on her own." Martha's hands moved to her hips. "Besides, Alexis could use your help on that science project of hers."

"Oh yeah!" Alexis pat his knee and grinned at him. "I'm studying the effect of electricity on the human body." He raised an eyebrow at her, but was struck speechless. "But safe voltages. You'd make a great test subject!"

"I see…should I prepare mentally?"

"Yes. Probably." He laughed once and shook his head. Part of him would rather be working the case, but he couldn't pass up an opportunity to help his daughter with a project for school. Even if it was going to be painful.

The next day proved to be better than he initially thought. Kate wasn't too thrilled that he decided to stay off the investigation, but she understood he wanted to help his daughter with a school assignment. A plus was that Kate was close to being able to close the investigation, she just needed a little more evidence before she could bring a warrant for arrest on Regina Harper.

He took a break from the assignment to grab a glass of milk while Alexis retrieved the mail. She stood on the other side of the counter and started sorting out the mail. "Mostly bills," Alexis muttered as she tossed a few envelopes onto the counter. To the left she put down envelopes with unfamiliar names. "Some fan-mail from people who figured out your address, and…something addressed to me from Los Angeles?"

He took a sip of the milk. "Is it your mother?" As far as he knew, Meredith was still in Los Angeles. She'd not contacted them in a while, so he was certain they were due in for a contact from her.

"No." Alexis's forehead folded in the center and she leaned forward, perching her elbows on the counter. "The sender's name is Katrina Vega, but I don't recognize that name anywhere."

"Wrong address, maybe?"

"Nope, she's got my name down in the center." Alexis opened the envelope and removed a few sheets of paper stapled together. He watched her eyes slide across the page and took another sip of his milk. Alexis's nose crinkled and her lips pursed. "The girl got the address from Mom, but I think the letter's for you, Dad."

"How so?" He set the glass down and leaned over the counter, pressing his palms firmly on the counter. "Read it?"

Alexis took a deep breath and began to read the letter, but slowly and with a quiet voice. It was a tone she took when she was trying to keep her calm, so he was concerned. "Hello, my name is Trina, I'm almost seventeen and I live with David and Holly Vega. My adoptive parents." Rick looked upwards and a heavy feeling struck him. He recognized the names of the couple, but this was too hard for him to believe as true.

He moved a hand up over his mouth and studied the paper that shook in Alexis's trembling fingers. "This is going to sound strange, but I found my real mom when she was promoting your novels a few days ago. Meredith. She told me to address my envelope to Alexis, so that my letter wouldn't get lost among the fan-mail." A lump formed in his throat and the air evaporated from his lungs. It was too uncanny for some random fan to make a claim, especially since no one knew the names of the couple that adopted his first child.

"I promise this is not some publicity thing, I've even attached a copy of the adoption papers. I just want to get to know who you are. I'd love for you to write me back, but I'll understand if you don't want to."

Alexis lowered the paper and studied it, her eyes glazed over and her head shook from side to side. "Could it really be her?" Rick reached over for the papers and studied the letter closely. His body felt heavy and his eyes were welling up with tears. "David Vega, Holly Vega, those are the people who adopted her. I remember very clearly, Holly told me they'd been waiting for so long to have a child…I sympathized, I allowed them to keep her because they couldn't have another. I've never told anyone that story, not my publicist or even my closest friends. Nobody in the world should be able to know that."

"So do you really think it's her?"

"I…It has to be." A puff of air fell from him. He watched Alexis remove a small photograph from the envelop, then took it once she offered it to him. The photo was of a teenage girl with soft brown hair and a round face. She was smiling in the photograph, but there was a distinct glint of sadness in her chestnut brown eyes. "Why is she sad in the picture?"

"She looks happy to me."

"No, she's sad. She looks sad, anyway." He couldn't pull away from the picture, and of course he would have to contact Meredith just to make sure it was accurate. Still, this girl had his eyes and his hair, and the details in her letter were too uncanny to be some fan trying to get attention. "This could be your sister, Alexis. I…I need to sit down."

Alexis nodded and guided him to the couch where he collapsed and turned the page. To his amazement, the next page was a copy of the custody and adoption papers that the adoption agency would have had.

The strange part was the name of the agency was the California Adoption Agency, but that would work only if that agency transferred documents from a New York agency. It would imply that the girl went through the California agency to try and figure out this information.

On the records found were the signature of Regina Harper. Meredith was listed underneath the mother's line, and his name was listed on the line for the father.

The longer he studied the page, the more his heart would pound. The heartbeat became so loud that it overwhelmed the silence that once existed in the room.

"Dad?" Alexis rubbed his wrist and he struggled to look away from the page. "Dad, are you going to write back?"

"I…" He held his breath and swallowed the lump in his throat. His hands lowered the paper to his lap and his body sank further into the couch. "Once I call your mother and find out if this is true. Yes. I'm going to write back." He'd love nothing more than to correspond with this girl, but it seemed that letters would have to do for now. "I need to let this sink in."

"Yeah…What are you going to tell Detective Beckett? Anything?"

"I don't know." Kate still didn't need to know, especially since he didn't know much about what was going on. Right now wasn't the best time to start worrying about what the people at the police department were going to think. "Do you want to get to know your sister?"

"More than anything."

"Then, I guess we should write back. Where's my phone? I need to call your mother. Just in case…"

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><p>So if you haven't already, go read the other oneshot. Let me know what you think of this, and that, and I'll let you know via PM when "Castle in LA" comes up. That story will involve obviously Rick Castle going to LA with Detective Kate Beckett to investigate a homicide connected with New York, but with Rick also secretly investigating the Vega family. There's a lot that will happen in that story, and I think you'll enjoy it. The oneshots just serve, in a way, as prequels. Remember, the other oneshot is "More than a Fan"<p> 


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